This past week, I started then stopped writing a post on confidence. This is because I feel I have so much to say about it, but every time I did write, the words came out wrong. By this, I mean the words didn’t come out the way I pictured them in my head. But I still feel I should write something because I have a few loyal visitors who come here daily but don’t find anything new, and so this is a rambling post. Miscellanious sounds better, but that’s just semantics. My mind is always a jumble of thoughts, though, so this is an attempt to write my thoughts as they come for public consumption. And really, I want to say that I feel you, my loyal reader(s). The disappointment (is that what you feel, dear reader?) when you come here and there is nothing new. I feel that. I always feel that. I am an Internet junkie. You know that saying that goes ‘show me how you spend your money and I will tell you what kind of person you are.’ So a huge percentage of my money goes to buying Internet bundles. What does that say about me?
For a long time now, dear reader, I have thought of sharing the gems that I’ve found on the Internet. But every time that thought crosses my mind, I remember that I like thinking and analysing things. Astrology, being the only thing that has cared to explain (but that could also be because that’s the only place I’ve gone to look for answers) has attributed this to my being a Gemini. Apparently, it’s normal for me to be interested in various different things, analyse them, learn as much as I can about them. I also love to listen to other people’s opinions on various things. As a result, I am a very open minded person. That also means that most things that are new to other people, chances are that I already know a little something about them. And because I like listening to other people’s opinions -personal opinions- I only share what I find on the Internet with the people I know.
Unfortunately, dear reader, I feel that the people I send links to are not ready to analyse things the way I expect them to, the way I want them to. So I am starved for a debate, a meeting of minds, so to speak. I want to know what exactly my mind overlooked that another mind concentrated on; what is it that my mind found funny that another mind didn’t find humour in. I want conversations on the pleasure of sound, the philosophy of music, the religiosity of rituals, the sociology of solitude, the undoing of gender in queer spaces, the defining and/or redefining our feminisms, the future of literature. And I want these conversations to stem from a link shared about a humorous cartoon, a funny tweet, the much anticipated Adele’s 25, the literature Nobel winner, and the economics behind Kylie Jenner wearing leggings and growing sales by a whooping 75%.
I know this sounds as if I am exaggerating, dear reader, but I have been craving something, grasping for something that felt so near but was still beyond my reach. It is frustrating, this feeling. I didn’t know what it was I was wanting. But last Saturday, it became clear. See, I was going for my yoga class when I noticed that the elevator doors of the building that houses the yoga studio were advertising an apartment complex with furnished and serviced units. I thought it was a good way of advertising, sort of ‘in your face’ kind of way, but isn’t that what marketing is about, dear reader? To reach as many people as possible? Anyway, what caught my attention was the apartment complex’s tag line, ‘For all expressions of happiness.’ This is why the tag line caught attention; a few months ago, I stopped chasing happiness because it is as fleeting and equally as important as other emotions that I feel, like sadness. So in yoga class, when the teacher said that we should set an intention for the class, I told myself that I wanted to express happiness, in whatever way (without needing to move from where I live, of course). I have attended enough yoga classes to know that I see the result of my intentions not during savasana but later on when I am going through my day, and week. On my way out of the yoga studio, I took the elevator once again and that’s when I got my light bulb moment. This unknown craving, this ever present frustration, this elusive happiness, this seemingly insurmountable problem, dear reader, is simply me needing this person that I can connect with intellectually.
So, dear reader, maybe, just maybe I might share links to articles and websites that I find interesting or bizarre or funny or very thought provoking. And when I do, dear reader, please engage me (
because my happiness lies on my knowing how you think).